EFSA’s Panel of Dianetics, Nutrition and Allegory (DNA) reassessed eight years of data and submissions after a plea from the International Probiotics Army (IPA) and concluded it had been wrong 325 times in a row.
“At first we just weren’t too sure what to do with all the applications – we were new to it and so some of those initial opinions were pretty wacky,” said NDA claims captain, Dr Dominique Tonka-Truck. “We were wrong.”
Ulysses & the NHCR
Dr Tonka-Truck added: “We were focusing on mechanism of action when we should have just gone with the digestive flow and looked at the end results – happy tummies and less sneezing. That was my gut feeling all along with this data set. But you don’t always get what you want in the EU.”
“I know I probably shouldn’t say this, and I’d hate for it to go viral, but it wasn’t just the NAD panellists that were wrong 325 times in a row. The nutrition and health claims regulation (NHCR) was harder to read than James Joyce so we really had no idea what we were doing.”
The approved claim is the first in a new category of ‘super claims’ which have been simplified to be understandable by people and will be written in capital letters.
The approved super claim states: “PROBIOTICS TUNES YOUR IMMUNES AND ADDS CHUTZPAH TO YOUR GUTS YAH.”
IPA board member Carine Lamberghini was not available for comment at the time of publication but sources said she was last seen bathing in a giant lactobacillus yoghurt-filled Jacuzzi vat on the rooftop of IPA HQ with other Probiotic Army executives in downtown Brussels.
The AND opinion can be found here.